Random thoughts

I'm sitting in RMPS, working for the first time this year. I've been told I need to have handed in my final draft of the dissertation in a few days. I haven't finished my first draft. I'm not even close to finishing it! It's not really a surprise to me that I'm going to fail.

I am working, but I'm finding it very difficult to keep my concentration, which is why I'm writing this post. I'm hoping that if I express my feelings slightly, I'll be able to work better. I'm just feeling really sad. I've been pretty depressed for a while now, and although I'm not going into the details of it, I'm hoping things will get better soon. I'm listening to The Band Played Waltzing Matilda, by the Pogues, which probably isn't the best song to be listening to right now! Still, it's beautiful.

I'm dreading leaving school, whilst not being able to wait! I know I'll feel a lot better about things once I go to uni, but it's so scary leaving the security blanket that is school. I guess it's something everyone has to face at some point in their lives, and it's my turn next month.

I haven't really decided if I want to keep in touch with my school friends. There are some people I will definitely be in solid touch with, but others I would prefer to just send the odd email to. It's too ambitious to think you'll know everyone perfectly once you leave school. Your life moves on so dramatically, you meet new friends, and will find it more difficult to keep in touch. With people still in school, I will be in a completely different stage of my life, and will probably find it difficult to communicate with them properly. And with my friends that are in university, they'll be meeting new people, like I will, and we'll get too caught up in our newfound lives to bother with each other. It can be a sad thought, but it's inevitable. And I doubt it's healthy to stay still and refuse to change in line with the changes that are happening.
I used to want to stay in touch with everyone, like I'd never left school, but I've come to realise this as a pipe-dream. And now that I understand that there will be people I say my final goodbye to next month, it doesn't bother me as much. It's all part and parcle of life.

And to all you people I will say goodbye to, thanks for being my friend. I know I'll never forget you, because you've all had such an impact on my life.