The truth of the matter

I read Harrison's blog post, and it made me think. He was a hermit for a week and now he's understanding things much better, whereas I have been a hermit for months and have just made myself feel worse.

I need to sort myself and my life out. I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, or how to even begin working it out, but I need to do something. My mind has been a mash of feelings, altering every second from optimistic to terminally bad. The anti-depressants I've been taking have helped a little bit, but I have a long way to go. I have a feeling that following in Harrison's footsteps and taking a break from the world for a week might be an idea, but instead of wallowing like before, I will use the time constructively. There are things I need to fully understand, nothing will go back to the way they were. Everything's changing around me, and I need to make a happy reality within the changes. Move on with my life, and keep the past where it belongs.

Fired from my job!

Long story which I can't be bothered writing about. I filed my claim for the dole today though, I was on the phone for an hour, answering all these questions about savings, income, rent and many more fascinating subjects. I have an interview at the job centre next week, hopefully it'll all be sorted out quickly since I can't actually afford to eat.

I need to get in touch with Bamboo to find out if they've sorted out my P45 so I can get my emergency tax back. I also need them to send me out my final pay slip for my dole interview, and write me an official letter telling me I've been fired (woo). Hopefully when I'm officially on Jobseekers Allowance the Housing Benefit will stop trying to get me and my mum to pay rent, we are exempt from such things due to the distinctly unemployed state of my household.

Possibly the most boring blog post anyone has ever written, but this is what is going on in my life right now. I feel all growed up, facing the shittiness of the world :D

p.s. I'm thinking about going back to university next year, and am investigating my options. Chances are I'll apply to study Acting at the RSAMD.

New job

I got a job, even if it is a shit one. I basically work every night from 10pm to 4am, so I won't have a social life until I quit! It's better than nothing I suppose, even if it does only pay £4.45 an hour...

Still, looking on the bright side, I'll have more money, and I will have bar experience so I can soon apply somewhere else!

Eureka!

Well, I'm leaving university. Realisation hit earlier today, when I had allowed myself for one moment to seriously consider that possibility. Given my worsening mental state, I am taking measures to ensure I am as happy as possible, and that means cutting ties with anything that is bringing me down.

Easier said than done.

By leaving university, I will be subject to an avalanche of disappointment from my family, which will be difficult to deal with, but some things are just necessary. I will go on the dole until I get a job, which will give me an extra £45 a week, and will start paying off some of my more immediate debt. I hope I'm making the right decision.

The new frontier

Lovely little green and white pills. One a day and your cares fly away! A month of guaranteed happiness ahead with these miracles of science. Can you feel my joy? No, I didn't think so.

And then there were two

Since my first one just got the basics out the way, and I couldn't think of any questions at the time for it, here's a brand spanking new one for the more advanced friend, with difficult questions galore :P

Click here, bitch

Quizzy quiz quiz quizzy quiz.............quiz

I made one of those silly quiz thingies, and no one will get it right! MUHAHAHA!!! Okay, maybe they will. Doubtful though. Face your doooom...

General offloading

Good things come and go, as is the way of life, but I've been lucky so far. Nothing terrible has happened so far this year, and although there is still plenty of time for that to rectify itself, I'm fairly optimistic. Despite this, I seem to have fallen into a bit of a slump recently. Stress, sadness and insomnia have taken hold more than I would care to admit. This blog, which I use so rarely now, is a good way to express these things, even if I don't go into the gorier of the details.

I suppose the main source of my stress would be university. I wish I could quit without the feeling of having failed myself, and without the severe disappointment that it would cause my family. I deal with this stress in the worst possible way, by simply not turning up for classes. This, of course, adds to it substantially. The amount of coursework due in the next couple of weeks, presentations, reports, etc, and not having been to any of the relevant classes, and therefore having no idea what I'm going to do.

Well, there's not much to say apart from that. Or, indeed, not much I'm willing to say to the general public. I should try and sleep now, 'try' being the operative word. Wish me luck in this endeavour.

New Year!

Happy new Year!!!! :D I've started the new year very well, with friends whom I love, and an amazing boyfriend. I really couldn't be happier, and I hope it stays that way :)












That is all.