General offloading

Good things come and go, as is the way of life, but I've been lucky so far. Nothing terrible has happened so far this year, and although there is still plenty of time for that to rectify itself, I'm fairly optimistic. Despite this, I seem to have fallen into a bit of a slump recently. Stress, sadness and insomnia have taken hold more than I would care to admit. This blog, which I use so rarely now, is a good way to express these things, even if I don't go into the gorier of the details.

I suppose the main source of my stress would be university. I wish I could quit without the feeling of having failed myself, and without the severe disappointment that it would cause my family. I deal with this stress in the worst possible way, by simply not turning up for classes. This, of course, adds to it substantially. The amount of coursework due in the next couple of weeks, presentations, reports, etc, and not having been to any of the relevant classes, and therefore having no idea what I'm going to do.

Well, there's not much to say apart from that. Or, indeed, not much I'm willing to say to the general public. I should try and sleep now, 'try' being the operative word. Wish me luck in this endeavour.

New Year!

Happy new Year!!!! :D I've started the new year very well, with friends whom I love, and an amazing boyfriend. I really couldn't be happier, and I hope it stays that way :)












That is all.

Friday/Saturday post

I forgot, I was going to write a quick post about Friday night and Saturday.

Bo's room is quite possibly the best place in existence! Her room is actually a tent. It is a tent. Good grief. There was quite a lot of booze, and for the first time in months, I got drunk! Harrison got wasted, as did Bo, those lucky bastards.

We all played spin the bottle >_< I know how immature it is, but it was a laugh. I got off with Dean and Bo, Harrison and Dean got off twice, Gavin and Caitlin, Gavin and Bo, Gavin and Dean. In fact, Gavin's just a big hoe! That's right, you heard me, Gavin! It was a generally really good night, and Saturday was brilliant. Everyone was just lazing around, watching South Park, etc. Liam took Nikita home, then came back with masses of crisps, mini rolls, jammy dodgers, pepsi, etc! Ooooh, we were happy.

Anyhoo, here are some Saturday morning/afternoon pictures.

Me and Harrison

Gavin looking sweeeeet :P

This is an awful picture

Bo and Liam, ain't they adorable?

General mess

Bo and Caitlin looking lovely

Me looking desperately for a lighter

Bo told me to hold this pose!

Gavin is a big blue slug

How you doin'?

Shmokin'

An idiotic post

How do you motivate yourself to do work? I try and scare myself into working by thinking about how badly I'll fail if I don't, but it just puts me off more. I need to write my 1000 words for the group report by 1pm this afternoon. It's 11:18am and I haven't even started. It's quite possible I'll be killed by the rest of the group, since, unlike Janice, who's got a lot of shit going on just now, I have no reason for not writing it. I also have a presentation to do on Thursday, and unfortunately for me, it's on last week's subject material, which I just happened to miss because I'm lazy and couldn't be bothered going in. I was sure I'd take university seriously, but apparently I'm just not a working person. Not good.

Yes, I know, I'm procrastinating by writing this post. I decided to write a post about work I have to do instead of actually doing it. I'm stupid, okay?

SCANDAL!!!!!!!!1111one

Erm, yes. Well, another post is here, so you can all stop crying, I know how you missed me. And if you didn't, this uzi in my hand will make sure you change your mind pretty damn fast.

There is a new scandal, so brace yourselves! And yes, again, it involves me. Is it just me or is my life a bloody soap opera? Full of death, tears, scandal and bright shiny happy moments. There really ought to be more of that last one though :P I'm sure plenty of people will bitch about me a lot, or should I say, more than usual, about this, but I'm going out with Harrison now. Deal with it how you will! Unless it involves murder. That's probably not the best solution.

I actually have nothing particular to say in this post, I just felt I should make one since it's been quite a while. Well, ciao for now. Got to go start some uni work :/

The Past

I'm really depressed right now, and it's because I've just been plunged into the past. I hadn't realised just how far behind me the legion was, and unfortunately when I think of all my times there, my major impression is a bad one. It was a wonderful thing, though, and I made some amazing friends there. Some of which I hope to keep for a long time. Raymond and Dave want a big Legion reunion, with everyone from the original legion there. I think this is an obviously ridiculous notion, but they thinks it could work. For saying I didn't want to spend the day with people I dislike, I was told I was immature. I don't see how though, for all the other things I could be doing, I choose it reliving the past with a group of people I have no interest in repairing my friendships with. Is it so immature? In economics, we learn about something called "Opportunity cost". The opportunity cost is what you give up to do something else. For example, I could spend the day with the old legion, or I could study (hahaha). If I chose the legion, my opportunity cost would be studying. And to be honest, studying sounds more fun.

When I look back, I feel so sad. I only just realised how distant and old the memories are to me, I've been through so much since then, and I feel a lot older. It's strange how much a few months can do to a person.

I should forget about the past again, like I did before, and continue the way things are going. There's no point in getting depressed about an old life.

The obligatory party post

Well, Dave's party on Saturday was mostly fun. I stayed pretty much entirely sober the whole night, which was shit, but I'll make up for it another time. There laughing, music, alchohol and a generally good time. I got extremely bored and a bit depressed when it got to about midnight because everyone was already so drunk they were passing out, and Nikita, Hayley and Anna were out walking. Just as I'd decided to go to my dad's, lo and behold, things got interesting! I was forewarned by Dave and Hayley before I left the house that Nikita was "fucked" and they refused to say anything more about it, except "you'll see". Well, the rest of the night is history. I was looking after Nikita for most of it, since he couldn't even walk. He may not have been able to walk, but he could do other things :P I was going to write all about it on here, but it's too cruel, so I won't. I would make a shit journalist! Sufficed to say he's a pervert :P I will relay one particular exchange, though you won't see how funny it is, simply because it's being printed. It was in Dave's aunt and uncle's en suite bathroom...

Me: Do you want me to leave? You look like you're going to sleep.
Nikita: Nonono......quite the opposite.......nnmughflmmm...
Me: What do you mean?
Nikita: I need you to stop me...mnugslkidng....
Me: Stop you?
Nikita: Frommm giving into my carnal desires...
Me: What?!
Nikita: Stop me in the pursuit of seexxxx....yushoasnf....
Me: So...you want me to stop you from being horny?
Nikita: NO!!! I'M NOT HORNY!!!
Nikita: ...I'm neveerrr horny....
Me: That's a lie.
Nikita: Mudhgigionkmmmmdjighkm.............

Anyhoo, it was a fun night, except when everyone was throwing up.







This was a half arsed post.

Yes, more lyrics

Sorry people, I've just been in a lyrics posting mood. This is Sail Away by David Gray.

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Crazy skies all wild above me now
Winter howling at my face
And everything i held so dear
Disappeared without a trace
Oh all the times i've tasted love
Never knew quite what i had
Little darling if you hear me now
Never needed you so bad
Spinning round inside my head

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me

What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

I've been talking drunken gibberish
Falling in and out of bars
Trying to find some explanation here
For the way some people are
How did it ever come so far

Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now
Sail away with me honey
I put my heart in your hands
Sail away with me honey now, now, now
Sail away with me
What will be will be
I wanna hold you now

Repeat chorus

Wicked Game

I've just recently gotten back into this song, it's beautiful.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you,
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't want to fall in love,
[This world is only gonna break your heart]
No, I don't want to fall in love,
[This world is only gonna break your heart]
With you
With you

What a wicked game to play,
To make me feel this way.
What a wicked thing to do,
To let me dream of you.
What a wicked thing to say,
You never felt this way.
What a wicked thing to do,
To make me dream of you.

No I don't want to fall in love,
[This world is only gonna break your heart
No I don't want to fall in love,
[This world is only gonna break your heart]
With you
With you

Nobody loves no one

Christ on a bike

Well, maybe not Christ, but me. My lovely holiday in the Highlands didn't turn out the way I had planned. I had a very nasty accident which landed me in hospital, unable to walk, bleeding like hell, and in the operating theatre. Luckily the worst didn't happen and I was discharged today and I came immediately back to Glasgow. I disctinctly remember pulling my clothes away from the area and seeing my skin and about 3 inches of flesh and muscle peel away with it, and this huge hollow where all that stuff should have been. I very nearly fainted, and I couldn't even talk. Still, I went to hospital, was examined, yada yada yada. Even the nurses recoiled when they saw it :/ X-Rays followed, and a bunch of other stuff, culminating in an IV drip and being put under general anasthetic. Afterwards, I looked like one of those people you see on TV! I had the IV drip, the things hooked up to various parts of me, with the tubes going up the nose to boot. Ah, it's never felt better to be back in good old Glasgow.

Big changes

Well, I'm out job hunting, and found a few possibilites. There's some light office work I might try, then again, there's a part time job in one of the concessions in House of Frasier that I might go for. I don't really mind what I get, as long as I can save up £350 by the end of August with it! Me, Gavin and Harrison have got a place now, but there's some work being done on it, and we'll be moving in towards September. The rent is really good, it's a very spacious place (despite not having a living room :S) and is just off Great Western Road. All in all, things seem to being okay just now...*crosses fingers*

Erm...I was really bored one night...

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir

So what if you're a little nihilistic at times? Life with meaning is highly over-rated. Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

You Will Die at Age 52

Not bad, considering your super wild lifestyle Want to live longer? Try losing a few bad habits.

What Age Will You Die?

You Are Balanced - Believer - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally. You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go. Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control. Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow. You are a true believer in luck, fate, and karma. You believe that life is a game of chance - not a game of skill. You either consider yourself very unlucky or very lucky. No matter what, you don't feel like you can change the hand you were dealt. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

You Are 82% Evil

You're the most evil person you know. The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

You Belong in 1977

If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

You Are Sunset

Even though you still may be young, you already feel like you've accomplished a lot in life. And you feel free to pave your own path now, and you're not even sure where it will take you. Maybe you'll pursue higher education in a subject you enjoy - or travel the world for a few years. Either way, you approach life with a relaxed, open attitude. And that will take you far!

What Time Of Day Are You?

Your Stripper Song Is

Master and Servant by Depeche Mode "There�s a new game We like to play you see A game with added reality You treat me like a dog Get me down on my knees" Yawn, dancing is so boring without a little spice.

What Song Should You Strip To?

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble! You're a closet exhibitionist who gets a thrill from being secretly naughty.

The Underwear Oracle

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Username
Age
Your problem is	Schizophrenia
Will you ever be cured?	(8) - Very doubtful. - (8)
Just how crazy are you? - 97%
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Name / Username
You will die	by drowning
At age	44
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Full Name
Age
Are You Good In Bed?	There's a line 'round the block for you
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Yeah, sorry about this...

Random poem

Apparently this poem is a mural in Denver International Airport or something... I dunno. I liked it anyway.

I was once a little child
who longed for other worlds.
But I am no more a child
for I have known fear,
I have learned to hate...
How tragic, then, is youth
which lives with enemies,
with gallows ropes.
Yet, I still believe
I only sleep today,
that I'll wake up,
a child again, and
start to laugh
and play.

Listen up

I feel the need for a good rant, so y'all better listen up.

I am so fucking sick of some of the people I used to call friends. Indeed one of which I called my friend up until very recently. It's quite unbelievable the sheer cruelty you can find in the human race, even just in the little things. I'm not talking about war, or anything like that, but in every day life. For example, reading out someone's diary to a group of people in what some would deem a "bitchy" or "satirical" voice is extremely cruel. What these people don't realise, and neither do the people laughing along with it, that it is someone's whole life you are ridiculing.

Another thing I wish to say is that it has come to my attention recently that someone I called a friend is in fact no friend at all, if any other people wish to step forward and claim their hate for me, just fucking do it, I don't give a shit about it, or indeed about you. Finding this out about someone I highly respected has made me wonder about who secretly hates me and won't let on, but I urge you to just do it and stop being a chicken shit.

Good day to you.

New Beginnings

God, wouldn't it be great to be able to start all over again? I wish I could leave Scotland, move to some other country, and start again, with no reminder of my past life (excepting family of course). It would be great. Of course, I would miss a lot of my friends and stuff, but oh well :P

Seriously, though, just think about it. Moving to an entirely new country, with no ties to your life in Scotland. It just seems like paradise. It's also a big fucking pipe dream! Alas, I'm stuck here until I get the money to move away from your sorry asses... No offence, really!

Bugger off boyo's

I haven't written anything in a while, I suppose it's because, as Harrison said, "I haven't been in the mood to share my thoughts and feelings with the world". Very accurate.

I could put my innermost thoughts and feelings on here, it wouldn't make much of a different to all you people that read my blog, but I'm not going to. I will keep some things to myself.

It was great when I was a part of the Legion, I thought I had found true friends. Finally. At last. Fuck that though, you're just as bad as the rest of the cunts that I've befriended in the past. Well, not all of you. Some have remained friends. And I appreciate that. But for the record, I would NEVER have looked for anyone's private blog, and if I had found it, I wouldn't have read it. People accuse me of being nosey, but I'm hardly as bad as most of you.

*rant over*

I've made a heart wrenching decision, that I know is for the best. I won't put it here, because it's none of your goddamn business, bastards.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry for everything, I truly am. I never meant for any of this to happen. For those of you that I've hurt in the course of my worthless life, I only hope you can forgive me in the future, despite how unlikely that is.

I'm so fucking sorry.

Random thoughts

I'm sitting in RMPS, working for the first time this year. I've been told I need to have handed in my final draft of the dissertation in a few days. I haven't finished my first draft. I'm not even close to finishing it! It's not really a surprise to me that I'm going to fail.

I am working, but I'm finding it very difficult to keep my concentration, which is why I'm writing this post. I'm hoping that if I express my feelings slightly, I'll be able to work better. I'm just feeling really sad. I've been pretty depressed for a while now, and although I'm not going into the details of it, I'm hoping things will get better soon. I'm listening to The Band Played Waltzing Matilda, by the Pogues, which probably isn't the best song to be listening to right now! Still, it's beautiful.

I'm dreading leaving school, whilst not being able to wait! I know I'll feel a lot better about things once I go to uni, but it's so scary leaving the security blanket that is school. I guess it's something everyone has to face at some point in their lives, and it's my turn next month.

I haven't really decided if I want to keep in touch with my school friends. There are some people I will definitely be in solid touch with, but others I would prefer to just send the odd email to. It's too ambitious to think you'll know everyone perfectly once you leave school. Your life moves on so dramatically, you meet new friends, and will find it more difficult to keep in touch. With people still in school, I will be in a completely different stage of my life, and will probably find it difficult to communicate with them properly. And with my friends that are in university, they'll be meeting new people, like I will, and we'll get too caught up in our newfound lives to bother with each other. It can be a sad thought, but it's inevitable. And I doubt it's healthy to stay still and refuse to change in line with the changes that are happening.
I used to want to stay in touch with everyone, like I'd never left school, but I've come to realise this as a pipe-dream. And now that I understand that there will be people I say my final goodbye to next month, it doesn't bother me as much. It's all part and parcle of life.

And to all you people I will say goodbye to, thanks for being my friend. I know I'll never forget you, because you've all had such an impact on my life.

I love Scott Walker (3)

If time were not a moving thing
And I could make it stay
This hour of love we share
Would always be
There'd be no coming day
To shine a morning light
And make us realize our night is over

And when you walk away from me
There is no place to put my hand
Except to shade my eyes against the sun
That rises over the land
I watch you walk away
Somehow I have to let you go
Cause it's over

If you knew just how I feel
You might return and yet
There are so many times
That people have to love and then forget
There might have been a way somehow
I have to force myself to say
It's over

And so I turn my back,
I turn my collar to the wind
I walk along in silence
Trying not to think at all
I set my feet before me
Walk the silent street before me
Cause it's over

It's over

I love Scott Walker (2)

What was it like when we were young
Sleeping in eachothers arms
Walking in eachothers dreams
Was it only yesterday
I've forgotten anyway

What was it like to hear your name
Where's the girl that I once knew
Running home thru winter parks
Arm in Arm and heart in heart
Now like children in the dark
We hold hands and watch the rain

When you kissed my eyes awake
Running mornings crowded streets
Just to find we've missed our bus
but we'd laugh , kiss, what the hell

When you'd burst in from the rain
Clasp my head between your hands,
kiss away the darkest day
Always there to understand.
You could make me proud again

Now I go aimlessly at night
Sleep with faces I don't know
Always coming back to you
and the shadows of this room

I must search you eyes again
Just to find that they are dead

Always coming back to you